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Part 1 on Current Relationship

When it comes to my relationships, I will go in too some details but there is only so much I will mention until I get their consent for certain parts. I can only really be honest on how I experience things. Yes, anyone I write about by name is anonymous, but I am not. So, protecting their privacy is just as important.

Owen and I over the last almost three years have still been talking to each other. The most recent was yesterday. We may be getting together this weekend but unfortunately do too a personal thing I may have to cancel. Well at least if it’s just a sex visit canceling will have to happen. If it’s also just hanging out than we should be good. We have not decided on what kind of visit it is. Yes, it’s okay to have different kinds of visits. We’re not always up for hanging out but up for sex. We’re not always for up sex but up too just hanging out.

We’ve had our fair of ups and downs; our relationship hasn’t exactly been perfect. Lets take the actual relationship for example. One of us wants a real relationship the other wants to stay friends with benefits. Its either over or have a real relationship. We’ve been over and done a few times, but something just keeps bringing us back together, but we can’t or at least we aren’t ready to sway one way or another. The first year and half or so we both were up for friends with benefits. Neither of us were ready, ready too date but we wanted someone in our lives. So, friends with benefits gave us that. Now one of us is ready and the other is either not ready or scared. Now we’re sort of stuck, do we stay, or do we part way? If we stay do, we stay friends with benefits or become a real thing? If we part ways how do, we stay away from each other?

The last year hasn’t exactly made life easy for us individually and together. Which we’ll get too in a different conversation. This is part 1 of many conversations on this relationship. There will be many more parts. Even this conversation will have a continuation. If you have any advice on what I’ve said so far on this, I’m open too hearing your advice.

Stay safe and stay you. Until next time.

Jazzica Idamarie

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It’s Been Awhile

it’s been a long while since i last posted, and I deeply apologize for that. I will be posting again as soon as possible. Life you know, adulting is what it is. Why were we in a hurry to become adults as kids hahaha. See you soon and remember “Be you, and be the best you that you can be.”

9/11

September 9,2001 is still one of the biggest tragidies the US has experienced. I was nine years old turning eleven a few short months later. I remember finding out about what happened in school. If I remember correctly we were sent home early. As a kid of course I didn’t grasp what had happened at the time but I recognized that it was big and knew it wasn’t good. Over the years I’ve watched clips but it wasn’t until today that I realized I never, even after twenty years watched any full videos, documentaries, read any books etc. on the subject of 9/11. Of curse in school every year it would come up as part of history, but again I was so wrapped up in my own things I never grasped full heartedly on what happened that day. I’m now thirty and almost thirty-one in a few short months and have watched my first documentary. It recently came out for the 20 year anniversary. It definitely put a different light on it that I didn’t have on it before. Not that I didn’t have any for them before but my respect for any responders and innocent bystanders involved has grown 1,000 times over.

I have plenty to say about the event of 9/11 but I want to keep this light hearted and keep it focused on everyone involved who helped and lost their lives. It was both sad and touching to see the pictures/videos and hear stories about people from that day and then seeing them or being told updates 20 years later. In tragedies like this it’s not always an easy thing to get. My Respect and Gratitude goes out to everyone who helped and/or lost someone in this tragic event. Rest In Piece to all those who have been lost.

The Pandemic of 2020

It’s been one hell of a year.

In the year 2020 the world blew up and blew up hard. No, I obviously don’t mean literally blew up, but life and death definitely came into play. The world was hit with the Corona virus, also known as Covid-19, the Rona, the pandemic, the illness that made the world OCD. So many lives ending up in the hospital, so many lives lost forever, so many lives changed forever in every way. Businesses shut down, at least those that weren’t or aren’t considered essential. Even if the business is considered essential they tried staying open as long as possible.

My job ended up closing for about 3 months from March until June if I remember correctly. I enjoyed my time off but at the same time I was ready to get back to work. I was going stir crazy. Work was different when we came back. So while we were gone one of my Managers called me and informed me that we were getting a new position and she first thought of me when the positon was brought to their attention. I of course asked “why me?” and she said “Don’t take this the wrong way but it’s because your loud and noticable.” I took that as a compliment, I may be short, and I typically quiet and an introvert but at work I’m strong and mighty hahaha. Anyway the position is as an SPS known as Store Protection Specialist, which is just a fancy of saying security. The reason we needed the SPS position is because when we reopened we would be doing crowd control. We were only allowed so many customers into the store. So I was in charge of crowd control, safety etc. So i did that for a few months until it wasn’t needed anymore. But prior to opening the employees came back to work so we can markdown areas. Which in our case was the entire store. Normally we’ll do a few sections one day a week but because we were off for three months the entire store had to be markdown. We also had to build the necessary precautions for Covid. That plenty Plexiglas, gloves, wipes, our aisles had to be further apart, 6ft apart stickers on the floor and so much more. That’s just where I work and not including other companies. That’s my experience with working and this pandemic. Not everything involving work and covid but that is so much information.

Traveling has also been extremely different and difficult. Vaccines are now available for everyone to get. Of course you have those who want it and don’t want it. Some places are requiring proof of vaccinations before allowing you in. Which leads into a topic, discussion, debate I’m not quite sure I want to have yet. What I also didn’t get is the shortage of toilet paper that happened because of Covid. Sanitizer, medication, wipes etc. I can see but not toilet paper. The world has it’s priorities mixed up. It’s not everyone but it doesn’t necessarily reflect well on the ones who aren’t that crazy. The last two years have been one hell of a two years. It’s been exhausting and we’re all just done. We want it done and over with already.

Podcasting and Your Opinion

I’ve been thinking about also doing a podcast. It will include what I’ve already written and future blogs with a little more pizzazz to it. I started thinking about those who may want to get involved in my blogs but may not be able to because it requires reading. Yes at the end of the day I make the decision on whether I’m going to do it or not but I value the opinions of my audience. Go ahead and leave your thoughts and opinions.

Time Management and Work Exhaustion

I’ve been working at the same retail store for the last 4 years. Minus a few months because I’ve been helping other stores off and on but that’s just been in the last year. especially since becoming a manager. The current store has been the longest store I’ve helped; I was there for almost 2 months. Lets talk how I got too this point. As I said I’ve been working at this particular retail store for the last 4 years, it’s a pretty new store or I should say location. It’s been open for 5 years. When I first started I worked in the fitting room and I did more night shifts then day shifts. Eventually I was either doing fitting room or being the cashier on either shift but I was still doing mostly nights. I want too say about a year too a year and a half in I started working in stock which for my store meant I had to be in store by 6:00 but we wouldn’t get our truck until about 6:30/6:45 in the morning. So I did that until we had to close our doors for a few months in 2020 due to the pandemic. Which I’ll be talking about soon, because that in itself is a whole mood and story. So, we were closed for a few months and while we closed I received a call from one of my managers at the time. She said “We are getting a new position. Now don’t take this the wrong way but the first person I thought of was you because you’re loud and noticeable.” I told her “I’m not offended by that.” So the new positon is called SPS which means Store Protection Specialist which also basically means security. I became SPS for crowd control because we could only have so many customers in the store. I did that for a few months and my Store Manager asked me if I would like to become a manager. I told her I would think about it because that’s not a Cashier or stock person kind of decision. I would be in charge of staff and an entire building. I thought about for a few days and I told her I would like to become a manager. So while that was in motion I continued being SPS and continued training other SPS. I was also looking for someone to fill my specific positon. The only reason I couldn’t just put a random SPS is because I was the only full time SPS and it was approved specifically for me. I was there just as much as the managers and the only reliable SPS so my store manager asked for me to get the actual benefits of being a full time employee and they approved it. So we wanted someone who could be me and we found her. When she was all trained up and I felt comfortable with it I began my training and eventually became official manager. It’s been almost a year since I became manager and its definitely been a crazy ride. Its been very busy, hectic, exhausting while at the same time enjoyable. Which leads me into time management. I work so much and by the time I get home I don’t want to do anything else or make the effort. But I do want to do the things i enjoy the most; reading, listening to music, arts and Writing. Especially my writing, this blog being one of the writing projects I have unfortunately have neglected. I promise I’ll try my best to get back on track.

Struggling

I have to admit I’m struggling right now. One thing I’m struggling on is my next post. No this one isn’t it. It’s not that I don’t know what I want to write about. I’m just struggling on getting it together. That’s why it’s taking me a bit longer for me to post it. The bulletin points are there, the thought is there, everything I need to write is sitting in front of me. The one thing I didn’t count on not being there this time is my ability to put it together and have the final piece. I’m all for imperfections but I also want it to make sense. So please be patient with me while I get that together. I didn’t forget to post it’s just taking me longer this time on getting it together. Another reason I’m struggling is I’m not quite feeling myself, which I’m currently working on that for me to post as well. So look forward to that up coming post. Hopefully (crosses fingers). I’m also struggling with sleep tonight. It’s not late but seeing as I have to be up at 5:00am/5:30 the latest 10:06pm is late. My body is tired but my mind is wide awake and I don’t know what to do. My hands are hurting as well which makes typing this a little hard. Have I discussed the pain I’m always in? I’m not sure I have to go back and see. If not look forward to that as well. Hope to get what I want out to you all soon.

Jazzica Idamarie

Seaglass

I’ve been seeing my therapist Lacey for about 5/6 years now. I want to say two maybe three years in she gave me a piece of seaglass she had. I still have it, and not only do I still have it I carry it around with me every day. The only time I don’t carry it with me is if I genuinely forget to grab it or I’m doing something that makes me afraid to lose it. In this point of time, it’s the most important piece of glass I have. It holds so much meaning in my life.

This seaglass helps with my anxiety and life. I know, I know, you’re probably wondering how a piece of seaglass help with your anxiety and life. Well… for one it’s solid so I hold it, rub it, fidget with it. It keeps my hands busy and not shake all the time. It’s like chewing gum too prevent you from chewing the inside of your cheek or lips. Which I also have a problem with, but that’s a whole other issue, but today we’re talking seaglass.

Another way it helps is and this may sound crazy, but it makes me feel like Lacey is there when I need help or advice. It’s like how someone has a cross and follows “WWJD?” you know “What Would Jesus Do?”. For me it’s the seaglass and “WWLD?” or “What Would Lacey Do?”. So anytime I go through a difficult time, anytime I need assistance I reach for that seaglass and ask myself “What would Lacey do?” or “What would Lacey say?”.

Everyone has that one thing that helps them get through life when nothing else is available. When I can’t reach the people, I need the help from I go too books, writing, music and my seaglass.

Do you have something that helps guide you threw life? You may not even realize this item does this for you.

Find what helps you get through life when nothing else prevails.

Jazzica Idamarie

The Last Few Years

The last few years… what can I say. Well its been one hell of a ride for me. 2020 was one hell of a year and so far 2021 isn’t looking much better not just for me but for everyone. You all know what i’m talking about. 2020 will definitely be on the list of things I’ll be updating on. Scary times man, scary times. Tomorrow I’ll be starting my post updates a few days a week. I’ll be starting with dating and all things current about that. Looking forward to being back and doing what I love too do… write.

Stay you and push on through.

Jazzica Idamarie