I’ve been going through it the last few weeks. I’ve been going through som e PTSD, I mean really going through it. My birthday has been a tough day for me because of the sexual abuse. Aside from finding out I’ll be an auntie again to my youngest nephew just over 5 years ago I don’t have the best history on my birthday. My birthday is this week November 25 and my birthday lands on Thanksgiving this year. I’ll be thirty-one. As I said I’ve been going through it.
I’ve had a couple break downs and I felt I just about ruined one of the greatest friendships I had. I’m a manager in a retail stores and we’re in the craziest times of the year… RETAIL! On top of me trying to find a new place. The world is falling around me. It was getting really bad, those closest to me at work noticed I haven’t been doing so hot. I’m just exhausted, have loss of appetite, sleeping but very little or very restless.
My mind just keeps going and going and going and so on and so forth. Depression and anxiety has hit really really hard. A few weeks back I had a conversation with my Therapist. A conversation I didn’t want to have but a conversation I definitely needed to have. I asked her about recommendations for a psychiatrist. I’m not a big fan on taking medication but I wanted to at least have a conversation about it. So I had my first appointment with the psychiatrist five days ago. The last four days I’ve been on medication, taking half a pill for a week then a whole pill afterwards.
I am taking Escitalopram. I told her about my anxiety on taking medication. She understood it but did recommend starting meds and see how it goes and if at any point if I want to stop i’m free to do so. I agreed to it and here I am four days into medications. Going through some side effects right now like dizziness, drowsiness so that’s always fun. It takes 4-6 weeks to progress. Like I said I didn’t want to take meds but I needed some additional help. I’m in a different place in life so I’m giving this a try.
As much as my ability to feel scares me the thing that scares me more is the meds making me not feel anymore. I just need to ease my feelings back not completely do away with them. I’ve worked way to hard with my therapist to revert back to the way I was. As I said I’m older now, i’m not the same person who started meds at thirteen so I want to see if it’s different now. The meds right now are making me a very tired despite me taking it this morning. I wanted to give you a small update so I’ll head on out and talk to you guys soon with more.