Dating at twenty-eight is no easier then when I was sixteen. No one teaches you this stuff, well at least I was never taught. In high school I shouldn’t have been dating anyway. Not because of my age but because I wasn’t in the right mindset anyway to have a successful relationship. Well as successful as any school age relationship would be any way. We both dated each other for various reasons. We did like each other but it was more friendship then dating. He was hiding a secret from his friends and family. I partly missed the strange intimacy of the sexual abuse. So, his attention of any kind filled in the gap. We used each other in some way it harmless and what made it harmless was we both knew. Neither of us were hurt by it. I think if we didn’t know one or both of us could’ve been hurt. As I said in a previous post, we’re still friends. We broke up on good terms. It was just do too life that we broke not because we did anything for it too end.
Anyway, back to dating at twenty-eight. After the first guy I had sex with I had sex with two other guys but went on dates with three. So, all together there were four guys since I was twenty-six that was either a potential, a no go, just sex or some combination. I’m not out having sex with everyone and anyone. I’m finding my footing in the dating world, trying to find who I am, I’m basically having a good time right now but I’m doing it safely.
I met all four of these guys on OkCupid. Despite it not working out with three of them all of them are nice guys. Not everyone gets lucky enough to meet four people in a row who are nice guys. I was lucky enough to have experiences with these guys and they turned out not to be creeps, psychos, killers or abusers on any level. None of them are perfect of course and you’ll find that out when I talk about guy #4 specifically. But they are all nice and sweet, they treat or treated me very well.
Guy #1 was my first time, so he was just a sex, friend thing. I explained my first time in a previous post on here. I’ll give a brief look in case you’re coming into this post new and haven’t read the previous ones. I had a pretty easy time with my first time, and I think it was due to the person I had sex with. He was very kind and gentle with me. He stopped when I needed him to stop, he slowed down when I needed him too slow down. He was my first intimate experience of any kind since the sexual abuse ended. That’s not including dating. I dated a guy in high school right after. When it came too sex, I wasn’t sure if I would panic in the middle of it. He didn’t know everything about what happened to me, but he was aware ahead of time about my past when we were learning things about each other. So, he was very respectful and gentle through it all. He periodically made sure I was doing okay.
Guy #2 was a potential too be something but turned out to be just a sex thing. We enjoyed one others company and we had some great talks. It just didn’t go anywhere beyond on sex for us, and we both were okay with that. He was also great with me, although unlike the first guy he didn’t know my past with sexual abuse. I think him being gentle was just part of his nature. Not saying it wasn’t part of guy ones nature but I don’t know what was nature vs him being careful with me. As I said neither of us minded it just being sex, well at least I was okay with it. I don’t know how he really felt about it, but I viewed him as a trustworthy guy, so I assume he was honest about it.
Guy #3 we went out and seen a great movie, we had decent conversations but by the end of the date it was a no go. There was no second date, there was no sex. It’s not that the connection or conversations were bad it just fizzled out quick. Sometimes it happens it wasn’t either one of our faults. It was just life, and the connection we did have wasn’t enough for me too want more. We briefly discussed it and he felt the same.
Guy #4 is the most recent guy I’ll be talking more extensively about him. we shall call him Owen. He is nice, sweet and respectful. As I said none of these guys are perfect and Owen is no exception. We’ve been on and off since the end of December. We dated for a bit but eventually we called it off. Owen said he realize he wasn’t quite ready for a relationship. He also said that although he wasn’t quite ready for a relationship, he didn’t want to stop seeing me. I didn’t want to stop seeing him either. So, we agreed to be friends with benefits. We hung out and had sex for a while. We were free to see other people and agreed to tell each other if we ended up with someone, we wanted to be serious with.
The thing is although we made that agreement, I don’t think either one of us want to see other people on any level. But we can’t necessarily agree to be in a relationship with each other. Eventually I told him I couldn’t do it anymore because I like him more then a friend. We ended up stopping what we were doing. But something pulled us back together. This whole back and forth keeps going on with us. Owen says he wants to keep this thing going because he likes me, he just wants to be sure he’s ready. I don’t know what’s going to happen with So, I’m going to see where it takes us.
Owen does have moments of being an ass and headstrong but I’m also the same way. We are so much alike in some way that I’m not 100% sure we will be successful. There’s this saying though I can’t remember it exactly though. Basically, it says everyone has baggage, everyone has train wrecks happening in their life. Find one that your willing to stay for, find one worth carrying, find one worth hoping on. That’s where I’m at with Owen, I’m ready to hop on and see where it takes me. I’m also someone who knows when to get off. I’m someone who can deal with a lot, I’m not someone who runs just because it’s hard. Believe me this thing between Owen and I is no walk in the park. It’s not train wreck but it’s a train that is having mechanical issues. Relationships of any kind are not easy, and I don’t expect it to be.
We have recently come to a decision that I won’t quite discuss yet. Only because I don’t want to jinx it. It’s something we both need and want for similar reasons, no it’s not marriage, no it’s not a pregnancy. It doesn’t have to do with us as a couple or not couple. Although I guess this decision could help with the progression of this train, we’re on whether it’s good or bad. When I know for sure it’s happening, when it’s all set and done, I will let you know. I promise I won’t leave you hanging.
Relationships, right? No matter how it is or where you are in a relationship of any kind it is not easy.